Stand in Pride: Finding chosen family

Welcome to Let's Be Perfectly Queer Podcast, your go to LGBT Australian podcast for all things queer.

In this weeks Small Talks episode, we discuss the erasure of LGBTQ+ identities from the Stonewall monument website and break down the concept of "test case persecution" and its serious impact for the broader LGBTQ+ community.

Then, we talk about the heartwarming Stand in Pride app. This non-profit connects LGBTQ+ individuals facing family rejection with chosen family and supportive allies for life's big moments like weddings, or simply for daily emotional support. 

This episode is a powerful reminder that through solidarity and chosen family, profound support and identity affirmation are always possible.

In this episode, hear about:

• The Trump administration's removal of "transgender" and "bisexual" from the Stonewall Monument website.
• The concerning concept of "test case persecution" and its impact on the queer community.
• What the Stand in Pride app is and how it connects LGBTQ+ individuals with chosen family.
• The vital importance of chosen family for LGBTQ+ people facing rejection.
• How to get involved with Stand in Pride, whether seeking or offering support.

🎧 So grab your headphones, press play... and until next time, stay perfectly queer!

Archie & Katie 🌈

Transcript

Podcast: Let's Be Perfectly Queer

Episode Title: Stand in Pride: Finding chosen family

Host(s): Archie, Katie


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Archie (Host) | 00:00:04 to 00:00:14
Welcome to let's Be Perfectly Queer, a. Queer podcast creating space to talk about all things queer. My name is Archie. And I'm Katie. And we are your hosts.

Intro Jingle | 00:00:15 to 00:00:28
Questions of how you identify, seeking answers. To clarify whether queen or somewhere in between. Let's be Perfectly Queer.

Archie (Host) | 00:00:28 to 00:00:46
And what are we talking about today? On this episode of let's Be Perfectly Queer, we have a small talk. Oh, I love small talks. Yeah. So today we're going to be talking about the app Stand in Pride, but before we get into that, just got a couple of quick little LGBT stuff. When I say a couple, I've just got one quick LGBTQ thing to talk about today.

Katie (Host) | 00:00:46 to 00:00:57
Fabulous. Get into it. So I'm sure you've heard that the Trump administration, earlier this year, got rid of the word transgender from the Stonewall Monument website. I did not know that. You didn't know that?

Archie (Host) | 00:00:57 to 00:01:20
Really? You didn't know that? No. There's a certain amount of Trump that I can consume per week, and that's probably about five minutes, unfortunately, at the moment. Look, I don't know heaps about the website, but I know it's about Stonewall, and it's a website that I think is either attached to a government website or something like that within America, and it talks all about Stonewall.

Archie (Host) | 00:01:20 to 00:01:42
But since the Trump administration has come in the. They got rid of the word transgender from the Stonewall Monument website. But Stonewall is all about the Stonewall riots, I would assume, which is about the trans and queer representation and fighting for trans and queer rights, which there was such a large percentage of trans people involved in that. And. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:01:42 to 00:02:08
Okay, we're going to have two bits of news then, because that's old news. I read something recently where they found that the word bisexual has also been quietly cut, too. Oh. So the thing is, when they first got rid of the word transgender, people out there did warn that they wouldn't stop after trans people, and some people didn't believe them. Some of the transphobic members of the queer community didn't seem to care or realise why it was a big deal.

Archie (Host) | 00:02:09 to 00:02:26
Now they've gone after the word bisexual, too. Do you know, that's so interesting, because it's like. I mean, the thing is, is there's only so many letters in this acronym. And really, if you're looking at lgbt, we've crossed off the T, we've crossed off the B. How many more can they really go for?

Archie (Host) | 00:02:27 to 00:02:43
Yeah. Have you heard of a concept called test case persecution? No. So it is a concept in authoritarian politics and is intentional selection of a political easy group. And easy is in quotation, to persecute, to test public resistance.

Archie (Host) | 00:02:44 to 00:03:07
So what it means is, like, if the test case being the transgender people in this instance lacks any real form of resistance or effective resistance, it then allows for more groups to be targeted. Like what has now happened with bisexual people. It won't stop with transgender people and bisexual people. And I do wonder what the gays for Trump think about all this right now. Yeah, it's true, isn't it?

Katie (Host) | 00:03:07 to 00:03:42
I mean, you've also seen that in the way that Trump is going after people who are not American born and how he's gone from, like, it's been the Mexicans and now he started encroaching on other minorities, and now he's just like, anybody who's not American born, we are going to evacuate from this country. Like his wife. Yeah. Anyway, let's get on to some more positive stuff, and let's get into today's episode on Stand In Pride. On today's episode, we're talking about something really beautiful and bittersweet.

Archie (Host) | 00:03:42 to 00:03:51
Stand in Pride. Have you heard of it? Stand in Pride. No, I haven't. If from the name, could you guess what it is?

Katie (Host) | 00:03:52 to 00:04:22
No, I was trying to think about that when you were giving me the title. Stand in Pride. It sounds like allyship, but Stand In Pride, to me, from what I would suggest, I would say it sounds like some form of allyship. I like the guesses. So for those listening at home, and for you, Katie, Stand in Pride is a movement where LGBTQ plus people who've been rejected by family can have chosen family or even kind strangers stand in for them at special events like weddings.

Katie (Host) | 00:04:22 to 00:04:39
Oh, that's really cute. Yeah. I would never have guessed that from the name. Well, you're kind of getting there with the, you know, the allies and that kind of stuff, because it's not about being an LGBTQ plus person standing in like, they can be, but it can be anybody who wants to stand in for someone else. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:04:39 to 00:05:03
Yeah. So this comes directly from their website. Stand in Pride is a non profit founded by Daniel Blevins and established in 2024. Though it was launched in 2021, it is dedicated to connecting members of the LGBTQ community with a chosen family. They believe in the power of acceptance and the profound impact of having a supportive family, especially for those in the LGBTQ community who have taken the brave step to come out.

Archie (Host) | 00:05:03 to 00:05:21
Unfortunately, not everyone receives the support they deserve. This is where their mission starts. To match and provide a safe space for LGBTQ individuals to find chosen family. Stand in Pride has thousands of members ready and willing to shower you with support and love. They are willing to physically show up for any special occasion.

Archie (Host) | 00:05:22 to 00:06:01
Dealing with the challenges of today requires problem solvers who bring different perspectives and are willing to take risks. With over 240,000 members across 26 groups worldwide, they offer unconditional support and love to those who need it most. Their diverse community of problem solvers are ready to physically stand by your side for any special occasion, embracing different perspectives and taking bold steps to face today's challenges together. So, basically, in summary, they help connect members of the LGBTQ community with other members and allies for emotional support, either virtually or in person, or to physically stand in at life events. The app is available on your phone, is free, and available worldwide.

Katie (Host) | 00:06:01 to 00:06:07
I wonder if it's like family Tinder. No, not really. Okay. I downloaded it to have a look. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:06:07 to 00:06:30
And at the moment, there's no one in WA seeking for anybody to stand in, which I'm not sure if that's because people haven't really heard of the app yet or if it's. People here are kind of more supportive. I'm not sure where that is, but there was a lot of people from WA who was giving their support. Well, there's different categories, and I'll go through that, but it's nothing like tinted. There's no pictures or anything like that.

Archie (Host) | 00:06:30 to 00:06:36
It's like new segments almost. And I'll go through what that means in a little bit. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Where did it start?

Archie (Host) | 00:06:36 to 00:06:39
Good question. I have no idea. Okay. Started online. I was thinking.

Archie (Host) | 00:06:39 to 00:06:43
I think it was either Canada or the States. Oh, yeah? Yeah. It's not Australian. Yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:06:43 to 00:06:52
Fair. It's a cool concept. What do you think about it? I think it's great because I've seen things on TikTok and YouTube where. Where people have stood in place of a dad or a mum.

Katie (Host) | 00:06:52 to 00:07:06
Yeah. Usually by a friend. But sometimes I've even seen where someone posted a TikTok saying, My mum and dad won't walk me down the aisle. And then someone said, I will. And then we've seen the story later on where that person actually did travel 400 miles to go walk that person down the aisle.

Katie (Host) | 00:07:06 to 00:07:19
Yeah. It's beautiful. I've seen it online as well as having people being like, oh, your mum doesn't support you because you're queer. And they're just like, I'll be your mum, or like, I'll be your grandparent. We're here to Love and support you.

Katie (Host) | 00:07:19 to 00:07:25
There's definitely a place for that. And I think it's gorgeous. I really do. It's funny. It's interesting.

Katie (Host) | 00:07:25 to 00:07:37
Yeah. So for some of you out there listening, why might something like this be important for the queer community? And. Well, there is a thing that happens which is family rejection. Unfortunately.

Archie (Host) | 00:07:37 to 00:07:50
It's common experience. And sometimes when individuals come out, they may face anything from subtle distancing to complete disownment. Or just pretending it didn't happen. Yeah. Or pretending, you know, let's just pretend that you didn't say that.

Archie (Host) | 00:07:50 to 00:08:09
We'll just get on with it. This rejection often resurfaces most painfully during milestone events. So things like weddings, graduations, birth of children, and that's when people do feel the absence of family a little bit more. Yeah, it's true, isn't it? It is something that, like, comes forward and, like, even if you're not queer.

Archie (Host) | 00:08:09 to 00:08:18
Yeah. It's still. I mean, if it's not just like a. That's the reason why you've been alienated. It's actually really nice support.

Archie (Host) | 00:08:18 to 00:08:37
Yeah. And then, according to the Stand In Pride website, about 46% of LGBTQ young adults are estranged from at least one family member and 31% are not confident that their parents will accept them. Yeah, completely. I get that. And the website talks about this concept of chosen family.

Archie (Host) | 00:08:37 to 00:08:56
For those listening who don't know what it means. It basically, it refers to the close non biological relationship that fulfil emotional, practical and spiritual needs. Thank you, Google. Often stepping in where biological families fall short. In queer culture, these relationships can be life changing and life saving.

Katie (Host) | 00:08:56 to 00:09:16
Yeah. Do you know what? I think that just thinking about this a lot more, because it's not when I came out to family that I was queer, like, there was a lot of drama to do with it. And the full circle moment is now that I've got a good relationship with my mother, who is very supportive of us and you, and it's beautiful in that sense. But I.

Katie (Host) | 00:09:17 to 00:09:36
For many reasons, I don't have a relationship with my dad. And one of the reasons is that I'm queer. And I remember thinking earlier in my life that he would never be there when I got married. And I think that if I was younger, getting married, then this would be really. It would be a beautiful thing to support.

Katie (Host) | 00:09:36 to 00:09:52
To be like, oh, yeah, well, I don't have anyone to walk me down the aisle. But at that stage is something that I would have wanted. But I can understand having someone to support you in that space is really beautiful. Yeah. And I can see people wanting that kind of.

Katie (Host) | 00:09:53 to 00:10:02
Yeah. I think this is gorgeous. Yeah. So you know, chosen family and, and something like standing pride matters because there's someone there to love and affirm you for who you are. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:10:02 to 00:10:26
They may be a stranger, but that in some cases a stranger is going to give you more love than your actual family. They understand the complexities of queer experiences if they are queer themselves. So then you actually have a role model and someone who can talk you through the processes they are there to step into. Roles typically filled by biological family. Like walking someone down the aisle, helping plan life events, all those kind of things.

Archie (Host) | 00:10:26 to 00:10:46
And sometimes these can be your friends if you do have a close knit group of friends. But not everybody has that. Yeah. And I guess in another sense as well is even if you do have family who do support you but don't quite understand you, then there are people who can actually support you in this place as well. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:10:46 to 00:11:00
And you know, it just. This all shows that love is not always tied to blood. Oh God no. Absolutely. You do not have to try to seek love from people who are related to you if it's going to hurt you in the long run.

Katie (Host) | 00:11:00 to 00:11:18
Yeah. Because a lot of the time with family the only thing. And maybe not a lot of the time, maybe this is just me being pessimistic. But like with family, the only thing that you have in common is blood. That if that wasn't there then you wouldn't have relationships and you wouldn't seek relationships with these people.

Archie (Host) | 00:11:18 to 00:11:25
Yeah. A lot of the time you wouldn't. Yeah. It's an interesting one, isn't it? Is there any time in life that you would have looked out for these kind of services?

Archie (Host) | 00:11:26 to 00:11:39
No. Because even when my mother was being a bit weird about me coming out, my dad was great about it. He was just like, yeah, okay, just don't do drugs. Good advice. Go ya.

Archie (Host) | 00:11:39 to 00:11:53
So I didn't have that worry and I didn't really have that. I wasn't really thinking that far in the future anyway. Just a couple of testimonials from people on the website. Someone says your group is the only reason I made it through last week when everything was chaotic. Thank you.

Archie (Host) | 00:11:53 to 00:12:09
And another person as well said Stand In Pride helped me find my Stand in dad. My Stand in dad married me and my wife on October 4, 2023. If it weren't for Stand In Pride, I wouldn't have Rob in my life and have a new family. Oh, that's so gorgeous. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:12:09 to 00:12:31
So how can people get Involved with Stand In Pride. If someone is listening and wants to help and you can just download that, you can be there, you can Stand In Pride for someone else. There is a website, standinpride.org or download the app which is just labelled Stand In Pride. When downloading the app, you first create a profile from there. The home button is on the bottom, like bottom left of the app.

Archie (Host) | 00:12:31 to 00:12:45
And then you've got your feed there on the top left. You can select your location. And on the feed there is four categories. Introductions in search of support, offering support and special events and occasions. So it's kind of just like a news feed of people chatting and talking and that kind of stuff.

Archie (Host) | 00:12:45 to 00:12:56
Yeah. I wonder what it says for especially events and occasions. I wonder if that's like you can go in and there's like weddings. Oh, no, no. So it's just got special events and occasions and then people would put comment what they're looking for.

Katie (Host) | 00:12:57 to 00:13:07
Oh, okay. Really simple. It's not complicated. Cool. But yeah, I had a look there wasn't many NWA who were seeking mainly in WA introductions or offering support.

Katie (Host) | 00:13:07 to 00:13:39
Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful. What a great space to grow in. I can definitely see that if you were in a rural community and you were needing support or you were in a space that you felt quite isolated, I can see this working really well for you. I can see it working really well for young individuals who may not be part of groups that or not knowing where to start because there's a lot of kids out there who are just like, oh, I don't know anyone who's queer. And there's also groups that you can discuss and talk and stuff as well.

Katie (Host) | 00:13:39 to 00:13:55
Oh, that's great. What a great place. And when the. Sorry to cut you off there, but when the social media ban comes in as well, this app could be a place where LGBTQ individuals, especially rurally, can talk to like minded people and not feel alone. Yeah, true.

Katie (Host) | 00:13:56 to 00:14:08
That's very true, isn't it? Yeah. I wonder what started this. Like, I wonder why this idea came into fruition for the person who created it. Yeah, I think it's just because they saw there was a space.

Archie (Host) | 00:14:08 to 00:14:21
I think that's from reading it, you know, they saw that they had a mission to want to do this. I'm not sure if something happened to them specifically. I was trying to find that on the website. But yeah, so interesting and so beautiful. It's really well needed.

Katie (Host) | 00:14:21 to 00:14:40
It's nice seeing all these different apps or websites coming out that support the queer community. So like everywhere is queer as well. Yeah, I love that. I literally had that in my brain when I say that it's really beautiful and it's kind of. It squanches the idea that we're all isolated.

Katie (Host) | 00:14:41 to 00:14:57
It really brings community together no matter where you are. Exactly. Love that. So, yeah, that was our small talk for Stand in Pride. If you are listening and you think about an app or a website that you think we need to check out and let our listeners know, send us a dm, send us an email.

Archie (Host) | 00:14:57 to 00:15:14
You can even send us a text message, which it says, but it just goes to our buzzsprout. Send us a text message with something that you want us to check out as well and we'll do that too. And don't forget to rate, review and subscribe. If you've liked the podcast, give us five stars because you love us so much. That would be amazing if you did like this episode.

Archie (Host) | 00:15:14 to 00:15:23
It means a lot to us if you'd give us quick rate, review or subscribe. Thank you everyone for listening to this episode and until next time, I hope that we have been perfectly queer.

Archie (Host) | 00:15:32 to 00:15:34
Let's be perfectly queer.