Queer Time: Why LGBTQ+ Lives Don’t Follow Society’s Timeline

We’re diving into the concept of queer time — how LGBTQ+ folks often live outside traditional timelines. From transitioning and relationships to work and family, we talk non-linear journeys, pop culture icons, and why you’re not behind — you’re just on your own path. 

Hey Let's Be Perfectly Queer Fam! – Archie and Katie here! This week, we’re diving headfirst into the concept of queer time — a term that might sound academic, but trust us, it’s something we’ve all felt.

Ever looked around and thought, “Why does everyone else seem further ahead in life?” Whether it’s transitioning later in life, coming out after 30, or skipping traditional milestones like marriage and kids, queer folks often walk a different path. And that’s not just okay — it’s powerful.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why queer timelines don’t follow society’s rules
• Transitioning and how it reshapes your life milestones
• Missing or delaying things like sex ed, first relationships, or starting a family
• What feminism has to do with all this
• The emotional impact of feeling “behind”
• And how to embrace your own unique, non-linear timeline

We also get a little geeky (Doctor Who fans, we see you 👀), share pop culture moments from Elliot Page to Kristen Stewart, and shout out icons like Jack Halberstam, Cher, Ian McKellen and more who’ve lived their queer truth on their own terms.

Whether you’re just starting to explore your identity or you’ve been out for decades, this episode is a reminder: you’re not late — you’re on queer time.

🎧 Tune in wherever you get your podcasts, leave us a review, and support us on Patreon if you can.

We love hearing from you — share your own #QueerTime story with us on socials!

Until next time we hope that we have been Perfectly queer,

Archie & Katie 🌈

Information that we found extremely helpful:

• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Hi6j2UXEZM
• https://www.oxfordstudent.com/2021/07/02/the-comfort-of-queer-time-theory/#google_vignette https://daily.jstor.org/queer-time-the-alternative-to-adulting/ 
• https://victoryinstitute.org/beyond-the-clock-embracing-queer-time-on-capitol-hill-melanie-dawson/ 
• https://victoryinstitute.org/beyond-the-clock-embracing-queer-time-on-capitol-hill-melanie-dawson/
• https://radiantbutch.medium.com/heterotemporality-and-queer-time-b91cce4f538e
• https://www.perlego.com/knowledge/study-guides/what-is-queer-temporality/
• https://lambdaliteraryreview.org/2020/07/queer-time/
• https://sfonline.barnard.edu/ps/printjha.htm

Transcript

Podcast: Let's Be Perfectly Queer

Episode Title: Queer Time: Why LGBTQ+ Lives Don’t Follow Society’s Timeline

Host(s): Katie, Archie

Guest(s): 

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Archie (Host) | 00:00:03 to 00:00:17
So on this episode, we're talking about a phenomenon called queer time or queer temporality. Have you ever heard of it? Never, Never? Never. If I was to say queer time, what do you think I might be talking about?

Katie (Host) | 00:00:18 to 00:00:36
I would be talking about people who are queer. I'm so confused. I don't know what we're doing. Well, basically, in a nutshell, it's how our lives as queer LGBTQ people tend to defy society's heteronormative timelines. Okay, does that make sense?

Katie (Host) | 00:00:36 to 00:00:58
Kind of, yeah. So what exactly is queer time? Queer time is this idea that queer and trans people experience time differently than cisgender heterosexual people. For those tuning in for the first time, cisgender means when someone's gender matches the one they were assigned at birth. So if a person is born and labelled female and they identify as a woman, they're cisgender.

Archie (Host) | 00:00:58 to 00:01:20
Anyway, back to queer time. The basic idea is that queer lives do not progress in the same way as non queer lives. I'm so intrigued. So queer time can mean that queer people may reach life events later or never at all be inexperienced. And I put that in quotation marks for their age and experience different levels of experience with different genders.

Archie (Host) | 00:01:21 to 00:01:55
So to understand queer time, we need to quickly look at the so called objective life events that are often used to mark adulthood or sometimes referred to as a life pattern. Okay, well, I now understand what you're talking about. So what do you think would be considered objective life events or part of life pattern? Okay, so I'd put it as, like your developmental stages as an adult. So I'd be like, all right, the first time you kiss somebody, the first time you have sex with somebody, when you get married, when you, like, have a house.

Katie (Host) | 00:01:55 to 00:02:24
Except I don't think that would be a queer event because I feel like queer people would probably get houses at the same rate as anybody else. But like, when you get married, when you end up having kids, all those kind of events. Because, like, I feel like that in a. If you're looking at a heteronormative life, there is a certain pattern that people tend to follow, even if, like, some of those are changed a little bit, but there's a certain age that that's expected. Whereas I feel like queer lives, man.

Katie (Host) | 00:02:24 to 00:02:42
Higgledy piggledy, bro. You're getting the idea of queer time now, right? Cool. So in these articles and in these, there was different essays and that kind of thing that I looked at, they kind of focus on five things that decided your life as an Adult. And the path that you're meant to take, number one, was actually finishing school.

Katie (Host) | 00:02:42 to 00:02:48
Oh, wow. Yeah. But not everybody does. But they're like finishing school because, you know, you're 17, the next year you're an adult at 18. Okay, sure.

Archie (Host) | 00:02:48 to 00:02:53
So that's where they kind of came. Okay. Your adult life begins. Getting a job. Geez.

Archie (Host) | 00:02:53 to 00:03:03
Becoming financially independent. Getting married. Yeah. Having kids. See, I feel like the first three would not change for somebody who's queer to non Q.

Katie (Host) | 00:03:03 to 00:03:09
Non queer to queer. Yeah. So some of the patterns still are relevant, but some aren't. And that's what we're talking. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:03:09 to 00:03:28
So not everyone has the same perspective of time. Yeah. Those who are queer will have different perspectives of time than those who are heteronormative. And so their relationship with time and with the life patterns will be different. And also, if you're looking at it, it's not only queer people, because different cultures have different life patterns.

Archie (Host) | 00:03:28 to 00:03:54
The Australian culture is different to an Asian culture, different to a British culture, that kind of thing. When we're looking at life patterns and these five in particular, it also doesn't recognise the impact of feminism and how priorities, especially for women, have changed over the last 10, 15, 20 years. For example, many young straight women now delay or even reject marriage as. As a goal completely. Absolutely.

Katie (Host) | 00:03:54 to 00:04:17
I mean, I think that's just like you were saying, feminism in the fact that we now have to fully support ourselves and be independent and have our own jobs and have our own life trajectory. And you kind of have to choose between if you're going to have a career and have kids sometimes, because that's just how it is. Yeah. So I'm not surprised that that's a big thing that's changed. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:04:18 to 00:04:44
And queer time is something that scholar Jack Habblestem talks about in his 2005 essay titled Queer Temporality and Postmodern Geographies. There's also a really great YouTube video that I watched, and it's an essay, but it's a video essay, and it's by Philosophy time, and it's called Queer. And it explains it really well. So it explains the idea better than I'm doing. So it explains queer Time in the first seven minutes, and I'll put a link to that in the show Notes to Watch.

Archie (Host) | 00:04:44 to 00:05:29
It's actually really, really clever and I really like it. So with Queer Time, it throws out society's rules about life milestones like getting married, having kids, or having a traditional career path, and looks at the alternative ways of living. But Queer time is also about our own experiences as LGBTQ individuals, like coming out, transitioning, or even the shared grief from things like the AIDS crisis has impacted different people's time and their perspective of time. Because it's the other thing of if you did have hiv, your life trajectory is going to be so much different because it depends on how, like, what your viral load is. It depends on, like, how far advanced the process is.

Archie (Host) | 00:05:29 to 00:06:01
Yeah. And then also if your partner has HIV as well, if you do already have a partner, if you don't have a partner, then that's going to impair your ability to, like, find love, no matter what. Potentially will impair your ability to have kids. If you're wanting to carry a child or if you are in a partnership that could potentiate in pregnancy. Like, there are so many different factors to it as well that I think that people don't understand about hiv.

Katie (Host) | 00:06:01 to 00:06:20
And it doesn't necessarily mean that you can't have kids and you can't have a partner, because people live with HIV very well these days. Thankfully, medical advancements have progressed in such a way that your viral load can be so incredibly low that it doesn't impact how you live. Yeah. Which is amazing. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:06:20 to 00:06:45
And it's not only that. So queer individuals living through the AIDS pandemic, because you touched some of those topics, was they couldn't see a future. They couldn't think beyond the now because they didn't know if they had a future. Absolutely. It's all those kind of things that kind of impact queer people, especially about following a society's expected timeline of what they need to do by the age of 25, 30, etc.

Archie (Host) | 00:06:45 to 00:07:05
And then you also look at trans people. So for most people, you go through puberty once. And with transgender individuals, a lot of us talk about the fact that when we go on hormone replacement therapy, it feels like you're going through puberty again. There's a lot of changes, like physical muscle, all that kind of stuff. And for a lot of people, that only happens once.

Archie (Host) | 00:07:05 to 00:07:36
There's also things like surgical and medical transition, and there's waiting times that you have no control over. So there's other parts that you don't know how long you'll be waiting. You don't know when these events will happen in your life, because there's external factors that impact that. But also touching on that is that when you're transitioning, whether it be a social transition or a physical transition through hormones or surgical intervention, it's not like life stops. No.

Katie (Host) | 00:07:36 to 00:08:02
Like you're still having to do life at the same time. And which makes it really difficult because no matter how you're transitioning, it's going to affect how your work is in the way that, like, you are. You're going to have to make a choice to whether you're open at work or whether you're not open at work. That takes so much mental load that there is a high potential it will affect your work life. Yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:08:02 to 00:08:35
In the same way that if you have a partner, it's. It's a big, I don't want to say hurdle to overcome, but it is a big journey to go on together, to be like, all right, what does that mean for our relationship? Because if you're transitioning, it doesn't necessarily mean that your sexual identity is changing. You might still be attracted to the same gender or you might, you might actually explore that and it might actually change as well, which then will affect your personal life and the relationships that you're in. But then also on top of that, kids.

Archie (Host) | 00:08:35 to 00:08:52
Yeah. Like, if you're wanting to have children, there are trans men out there who have had children who have stopped their hormones to perpetuate them having children, which is a whole bloody journey in itself. So like. Or trans women as well. There's.

Katie (Host) | 00:08:52 to 00:09:30
There is so much that even the timeline of your, your sexual orientation or your gender orientation affects other facets of your life that, like, it's all very interlinked. And of course that can be delayed because apart from having the general milestones in your life, you've got all these extra, like, comets hitting your life that are like, well, deal with this as well. And if you talking about, like, dealing with things as well with surgery, I had to have a revision that I did not prepare for. And so there's all those other kind of things that you need to think about. And down the track, I'm going to have to have a hysterectomy, but I don't know when that's going to happen.

Katie (Host) | 00:09:30 to 00:10:03
Yeah, it's. My body's going to tell me. And there's all these things that people don't think about that do affect us specifically. And like, I mean, I'm not sure if you'd want to talk about it, but it was the thing of, like, also you had your first surgery and it was the intention that this first surgery would be, like, successful and that would be the end of your then surgical intervention at that stage. But, like having the emotional roller coaster that was, I'm really happy that I.

Katie (Host) | 00:10:03 to 00:10:18
I no longer need to wear A binder. I feel more myself. But then being unhappy about it at the same time, which is a totally natural thing. Yeah, it was just my skin elasticity didn't work as well as we'd hoped. But also talking about that as well.

Archie (Host) | 00:10:18 to 00:10:29
I was supposed to have surgery and then the night before they called me saying that elective surgeries had been cancelled due to Covid. Yeah. And so then I had to wait another. I think it was like. Was it three months?

Katie (Host) | 00:10:30 to 00:10:39
Yeah, I think so. Yeah, it was. So it's all those kind of things that, you know, you have these waiting lists. But then external factors impact on your life a lot. And that will happen for others as well.

Archie (Host) | 00:10:39 to 00:10:56
For the people who are going through IVF treatment and that kind of thing. Yeah. The way that we live, we think about major events a little bit different. You know, like, if LGBTQ couple want to have kids, you know, they have to think about how do they do it. There's a lot more steps and that kind of stuff involved.

Archie (Host) | 00:10:56 to 00:11:25
But it's not only that, it's also how we access knowledge as well. If you think about it, some knowledge is forbidden in some places for kids and they are prevented about learning about queer families or identities, especially what's happening in the US right now. I didn't have any access to that information where, for example, 90% of my class would have been heterosexual or some form of that. They got information about what it was to be them. Yeah, it's true.

Archie (Host) | 00:11:25 to 00:11:39
I never had any access to any information as a queer individual. Yeah. Even, like, in terms of sex ed, like, you only get told that it's about penises and vaginas. That's it. That's it.

Katie (Host) | 00:11:39 to 00:12:01
It's not about two penises together or two vaginas together or two people who have different genitals altogether. So if you're intersex, it literally is just like, this is what a penis is. Like, it's like a banana. Put a condom on a banana and here's a picture of a vagina. Label the vagina and probably still don't realise that that's a vulva on the outside.

Katie (Host) | 00:12:01 to 00:12:10
Like, it just. It. It's just really sad because then it's like people have to do their own exploration to, like, what that means. That's exactly it. To be honest.

Katie (Host) | 00:12:10 to 00:12:33
Like, we've seen a lot of. And we've heard a lot of different stories about people, especially in, like, the gay men community, that it can be. There are some aspects of it that if you. If you don't know about it, then you don't know what potentially could go wrong. In the same way that, like, if you don't know about heterosexual sex, if you don't know about it, you don't know what could go wrong.

Katie (Host) | 00:12:33 to 00:12:50
So it's. It's not just consent, it's also about people forcing you to do things. People saying that things like power dynamics, people saying things that, like, oh, this is how we do things, and it not being how to do things. And then you end up in a shit situation. Yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:12:50 to 00:13:00
Like, there are so many different facets to it that are just like, oh, that's just the community. No, it's not just the community. It's the fact that you have educated people that. That is not part of it. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:13:00 to 00:13:40
And you know, and when you don't have access to this information, you have to learn from unofficial means or unofficial channels, you have to search for the information and you experience and have different experiences than everybody else and you're not sure if it's the right experience or not because you don't have this information. Absolutely. I was listening to another podcast a while ago that was talking about people's first experiences of being queer. And there was a lot of young men in the UK that were saying that their first experiences of being queer was like, going out to queer clubs and getting drugged and then not knowing if they'd given consent to having sex or not. And I'm like, that is really fucking horrible.

Katie (Host) | 00:13:40 to 00:14:08
Because, like, if you'd actually educated people about, like, first of all, how to feel your body, like, first of all. And what I mean by, like, how to feel your body is like, how do you enjoy having sex? And how can you enjoy having sex? And how you can consent in different ways to different things. No matter where you are in society, sometimes there are people who just take advantage of people who aren't educated in like, or don't have access.

Archie (Host) | 00:14:08 to 00:14:37
And that's the thing when we look back at queer time, that's why some queer individuals feel like they're a bit behind because they didn't have the same access to information about themselves as the rest of society. So true. It's like some of our listeners who we meet and they're just like, oh, yeah, I found out I was queer later on in life. And I'm like, I wonder what facets led to you finding out or, like, exploring yourself later on and realising that you have been queer. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:14:37 to 00:15:05
And it could be different for many different people and talking about that with people who find out that they're Queer later on, they can also have this sense of a loss of time as well. And so like a childhood and they never got to have for trans people or not being able to experience the young love where. Do you know what I mean? So it's the possibility that someone who is 18, 17 might be a senior in experiences. And you see that a lot for trans people.

Archie (Host) | 00:15:06 to 00:15:57
You know, there's, there's trans individuals who are in their mid-20s who transition at 18, and you have trans individuals who are 35 who've only transitioned a couple of years ago. So it's, it kind of changes this whole mentality that someone who is older needs to know more and have more lived experiences in certain senses. Yeah, it's, it's a funny old life really, isn't it? Because like, I've had some patients who have been in their 50s who have only found that they have only been able to explore their gender identity at a later stage in life and had started transitioning in their 50s. And it's, it's something that I've seen a lot of that when I think it was not this last fair day, but the one prior to it, meeting some trans individuals or trans men who had been transitioned for a very long period of time.

Katie (Host) | 00:15:58 to 00:16:26
And it's funny, it's, it's so, it's not something that I've seen a lot of, but it, it was so beautiful to have that. And I'm like, I hope that that's our future. I hope that more people are able to find themselves earlier in life and be able to experience wholeheartedly what life's about, living truly as your authentic self. It was really beautiful. And even it wasn't not like we had a big conversation, but it was just so nice to see that and being like, I fucking love that for you.

Archie (Host) | 00:16:26 to 00:16:46
Yeah. And queer time also means letting go of the idea that some things are inappropriate as you get older. What do you mean by that? So sociologist Jodi Taylor looked at middle aged queer folks in Brisbane's music and nightlife scene and they're still out there throwing dance parties, playing music, and just living their best lives. They're not trying to act their age, they're trying.

Archie (Host) | 00:16:46 to 00:16:57
Instead, they've created spaces where age simply doesn't matter. And this different relationship with time often starts early for queer people. Yeah, do you know what? And I totally understand that. I get it.

Katie (Host) | 00:16:57 to 00:17:19
Because if you think about it like what stops people from going out and having fun, this sounds bad. Society says, okay, by the time that you're, you Know, in middle age you should be settling down, getting married, having kids, stop going out, stop drinking, stop partying. Because that's what young people do. Yeah. And like, I mean, I can only use us as an example.

Katie (Host) | 00:17:19 to 00:17:33
Like we still go have fun, we have adventures, we go out. It's not something that necessarily age is ever going to stop or impair. Yeah. It's like it all just depends on what our. What we enjoy and what we love.

Katie (Host) | 00:17:33 to 00:17:48
And I think that for a lot of people, when you reach this age, you have kids. Yeah. And like kids innately stops you from going and partying a lot because like that makes sense. Yeah. And when I mean partying a lot, it doesn't necessarily mean going out and having raves, but it's.

Archie (Host) | 00:17:48 to 00:17:56
You can't go out every second weekend and go to the pub and that kind of stuff. Your priorities change with kids. Absolutely. Which makes sense. Whereas a lot of.

Katie (Host) | 00:17:56 to 00:18:12
I don't know what the statistics are, but like a lot of queer individuals don't have children, so therefore they don't have. That means to being required to stay home and care for children or have. The responsibility to stay home. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's a better way of putting it.

Katie (Host) | 00:18:12 to 00:18:20
Thank you. But like we don't have that. So it's not like that hampers our cultural growth. Yeah. We just have pet children.

Katie (Host) | 00:18:20 to 00:18:26
Yeah, exactly. And they can be left alone. But yeah, it's true. It, you're right. Like it's.

Katie (Host) | 00:18:27 to 00:18:54
You do tend to see that like not party lifestyle, but still enjoying yourself and still enjoying the cultures of life. Because even if you look at fringe in Perth, for example, and I'm sure it's probably the same in Melbourne and Adelaide, the performers are usually queer. Yeah. And you see the performers out and about in their, you know, mid-30s, late-40s, and they're still out because they don't have the same responsibilities sometimes. And sometimes it might just be because they like fringe.

Archie (Host) | 00:18:54 to 00:19:27
But it's something that you do see a lot, often is a lot of the performers are queer and they can be out to 1112 performing and because their lifestyle is very different as well. So Katherine Bond Stockton talks about how queer kids don't usually grow up in the typical way. They might not fully understand who they are until much later, like I mentioned. So they don't fit neatly into society's straight linear timeline of life milestones. Instead of growing towards things like marriage or starting a family, queer kids grow sideways, finding their own way and creating new possibilities as they go.

Archie (Host) | 00:19:27 to 00:19:48
Queer time isn't Just about rejecting norms. It's about creating a life that feels true to you, that's not set by society, that's not set by expectations of society. So it's. Yeah, it's stepping away from society's expectations and focusing on what actually matters to you personally. We don't actually have as much expectation from family members as straight individuals.

Archie (Host) | 00:19:48 to 00:19:59
When are you getting married? When are you having kids? Do you know what I mean? I feel like at times straight, heterosexual people have more pressure from society and their families. Yeah, no, I do see that.

Katie (Host) | 00:19:59 to 00:20:14
I do see that a lot, actually, because it's like, oh, well, I guess you've already deviated, so, like, what's the point? Yeah, you're already from the timeline, so who cares? You're on your extra. What did Loki call it? You know, when you create the alternative timelines.

Archie (Host) | 00:20:14 to 00:20:32
Yeah, we're already on our alternative branch timeline. Yeah, yeah, it's true, it's true. Because people are just like, oh, you're not normal. So, like, what's the point? Yeah, it's funny, I get that at work a little bit in the way that you get the pressure from people being like, oh, yeah, no, have babies, go get married, all that kind of stuff.

Katie (Host) | 00:20:32 to 00:20:57
And then you explain that you were a bit alternative and then they're like, oh, okay, well, I guess I'll just leave you here. Yeah, absolutely. Hapleston talks about how queer time can give us the freedom to step outside traditional timelines, but it's not always a liberating experience. So I'm going to go back and talk about the AIDS crisis. For example, a lot of literature, particularly by white gay men, focuses on how the epidemic shifted their whole sense of the future after losing friends and loved ones.

Archie (Host) | 00:20:57 to 00:21:27
But for marginalised groups like people of colour or those from lower income or lower socioeconomic backgrounds, the early loss of life often feels just like the way things are a product of all the systemic inequalities that have always been in place. So it's a reminder that queer time isn't just about personal identity. It's really shaped by a bigger context of history, race and class. And then you look also at, like, trans women of colour and how they're attacked. And so then their whole idea of a future is very different.

Archie (Host) | 00:21:27 to 00:21:48
So it's not just about queer individuals experiencing time different. You also have to look at the. The background and the bigger context of history, race and class. I wonder if this feeds into. The thing is that we're always on borrowed time, possibly because as a queer individual, you're having a good time isn't always guaranteed.

Katie (Host) | 00:21:48 to 00:22:10
Like, there is always the potential of things going really south really quickly. And it's one of those things that, like, well, if we don't have a lot of it, we might as well enjoy it while we do. And that might be why, like I said, I was an idiot in my early 20s and when I found out I was queer. And, you know, you take risky behaviour because you're like, I couldn't see a future. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:22:10 to 00:22:21
Because I didn't have many role models in my life who were queer and married with a house and kids or whatever. So I was like, I'm just gonna live in the now. Yeah. It's such a fair point. Do you know what I mean?

Katie (Host) | 00:22:21 to 00:22:51
I know exactly what you mean. I remember when I was younger and going out, especially, like, when I went to, like, the gay clubs, is that I don't think I knew anyone who was married or, like, if people were going to be married, it kind of, like, you were just kind of waiting for something to happen and then not be married. Like, it was funny. Like, I never saw anybody at that stage who was really. I think I had, like, one friend who was, like, married and had kids and that was it of all of them.

Archie (Host) | 00:22:51 to 00:23:13
Talking about marriage. When you look at gay marriage before it was legalised, many queer people didn't even have the option to follow the typical stages of adulthood. Getting married or starting family simply wasn't available to queer individuals. Even now, with barriers like adoption hurdles, parenthood can feel out of reach for so many in our community. These are things that heterosexual cisgender people often take for granted.

Archie (Host) | 00:23:13 to 00:23:26
But for us, it's a daily reality. Yeah. So true. Because it was only recently that queer men could actually adopt children. And there was so many hurdles to overcome and you had to go through the surrogacy route, which was a lot more expensive and a lot more.

Archie (Host) | 00:23:27 to 00:23:45
It's not an easy thing for people who are LGBTQ+ to adopt or have kids. No. And people still believe to this day that it impairs children having parents of the same sex. And they say that it's queer parents that create queer kids, but no. Oh, no.

Katie (Host) | 00:23:45 to 00:23:51
I mean, statistics show it's not. Yeah. It's straight parents that make queer kids. So if anything, it's your fault. Exactly.

Archie (Host) | 00:23:52 to 00:24:32
So on top of all that, it's the trauma of navigating a cis heteronormative world, which leaves many queer people grappling with something called foreshortened future. So a lot of us in the LGBTQ community deal with this feeling that we won't live as long as others, that the idea of full lifespan just doesn't feel possible. It's a trauma response shaped by things like harmful policies, negative messaging, or just the experience of surviving in an unwelcome environment. Living in the closet or even being out but surrounded by homophobic or transphobic family members comes with its own set of painful challenges. That kind of trauma really shapes how we see our future and highlights just how important it is to create safe, affirming spaces for one another.

Katie (Host) | 00:24:32 to 00:24:49
Yeah, that's so true. I don't think I've ever felt so validated by a statement, because it is so hard. You know, this is always going to be a battle, no matter, like, what you live in, that you just assume that it's not going to be for a long time, that something bad's going to happen. Oh, that sounds bad. What do you mean?

Katie (Host) | 00:24:49 to 00:25:07
I mean, like, you assume something bad's going to happen, but that's because it's. A trauma response based on things like society and the messaging and exactly what's happening in the States right now with the targeting of transgender and queer individuals. Yeah, it's true. So it's kind of like society saying, you don't belong here. Yeah, but we do belong here, and we are going to stay here.

Katie (Host) | 00:25:07 to 00:25:17
And queer people have always been around. And it's just society has always like to bring down things that are different. Yeah. Things that make other people special. Yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:25:17 to 00:25:29
Well, it's not. Society is like. Well, it is society, and it's not society at the same time. It's people who govern the ideas of how perspective is shaped. Yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:25:29 to 00:26:10
So if you've got, like, the general media, which is incredibly biassed, and it shapes people's perspective in a certain way to be scared of people who are queer in the same way that, like, the government can do similar things. And I say the government, I really mean Trump and, like, ideologies that he has is that he has this rhetoric that queer and trans people are bad people and therefore people who don't educate themselves or know anyone who's queer or trans then hate something that they just don't understand. Did you see that recent plane crash between the Black Hawk and. I think it was a commercial aeroplane in the States. Trump blamed the dei, the diversity, equity, inclusion policy, and said it was their fault.

Archie (Host) | 00:26:11 to 00:26:27
And now some poor trans pilot has been blamed for it when they're alive and they weren't even in the Black Hawk plane. What the fuck Some people will take that statement and run with it and say, yep, it is the. The DEI that's to blame for this crash. It's so fucking wrong, isn't it? Yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:26:27 to 00:26:49
And it's so hurtful and harmful having these, like, stupid comments from people who can shape our society that people listen to. Just because someone's loud and somebody's in a position of power doesn't mean they're right. But sometimes people like to listen to the loudest person in the room. Yeah. It just means that we have to get louder.

Archie (Host) | 00:26:49 to 00:27:16
Exactly. Other examples of queer time include finding your first queer crush at 30 or realising what you missed out in high school dancers because you never really got to dance with the person that you wanted to. Some queer people finding themselves getting into their angsty teen phase in their late 20s or experimenting with styles much later in life than their heterosexual cisgender counterparts. And I think that's very true. When you go to queer events, they are more individuals that I've noticed.

Archie (Host) | 00:27:16 to 00:27:35
They're much braver with their clothing style choices and they experiment a lot more. Yeah, it's true. They feel. It's that whole thing of, like, if I'm already having to be individual and if I'm already going to get critiqued on who I am, then why don't I just be all of who I am? Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:27:35 to 00:27:48
Be authentic as much as possible. Yeah. So do you. You kind of mentioned something before, but have you ever felt like you've experienced this idea of queer time and have you ever felt behind or out of sync with society or your friends or anything like that? I.

Katie (Host) | 00:27:49 to 00:28:31
I don't know. I think that I actually don't know. When I think about it. I was actually very blessed to realise that I was queer at a quite a young age and to realise that I was attracted to people or I was attracted to women at one stage and then I can be attracted to anybody at this stage. But, like, I was very blessed to have felt those emotions at a younger age and I was blessed to be in a situation that didn't mean that I was going to be physically threatened, that I could actually get out of where I needed to be and could be in a situation where I was okay to live and explore those emotions.

Katie (Host) | 00:28:31 to 00:28:52
So, like, I feel like my queer timeline has probably been in alignment with my heterosexual potential timeline. Yep. In the fact that I actually had queer experiences before then. I had heterosexual experiences, which I appreciated. But it was funny because, like, when people were like, oh, when did you lose your virginity?

Katie (Host) | 00:28:52 to 00:29:13
I'm like, Well, I had a lot of queer sex before I had straight sex. But, yeah, it was one of those things that, like, I've been very blessed in that way, and. But I can see I have a lot of friends that. That have not either realised that they were queer or that's just being queer came at a later stage. And I'm like, oh, that's really interesting.

Archie (Host) | 00:29:13 to 00:29:29
Yeah. What about yourself? For sure. Growing up in a small country town, my access to information and knowledge was very hard. We only really got the Internet when I was maybe 13, 14, that we were actually allowed to use more for our, like, studies and whatnot.

Archie (Host) | 00:29:29 to 00:29:42
But there was never really anything to explain who I was. I always felt behind my peers. Yeah. Even though educationally I was ahead of my peers. I.

Archie (Host) | 00:29:42 to 00:29:55
And I say that because I skipped a grade in year three, went up and then, long story short, came back down. But that wasn't our fault anyway. It was the politics of the school. So, basically. So even though educationally I was ahead of my peers, I felt behind.

Archie (Host) | 00:29:55 to 00:30:04
I felt I didn't have the same experiences. I didn't have the crush on the boy. I didn't have this and whatnot. So I always felt this sense of other. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:30:04 to 00:30:25
The sense that I didn't belong, the sense that I was behind, the sense that I couldn't make sense of the world. I never saw a future that I was married with kids or anything like that. My reality was very different. And so I do really reflect and I do really resonate with this idea of queer time. And it wasn't until I started searching, I can't really remember how I came upon it.

Archie (Host) | 00:30:25 to 00:30:53
I think I saw something on threads or Instagram and I was like, what is queer time? And so I've been doing a lot of research into it, and I was like, yeah, I do reflect with this. And some people think that queer time is full of shit and it doesn't exist, and some people believe that it does exist and everybody has their own opinion, and then that's okay. But I do believe that as LGBTQ individuals, we experience the world and society in a different way, which means our timelines are different to everybody else. And it's not only queer people.

Archie (Host) | 00:30:53 to 00:31:14
It is, like I said before, people from different cultures and different socioeconomic backgrounds, history, race, sex, gender. Everybody experiences a timeline that's different. But for a heteronormative cis. Heteronormative society, it kind of has more of a line of where you should go, but again, feminism's changed that and so on. But I felt like I was behind.

Archie (Host) | 00:31:14 to 00:31:28
I also felt like I was a lot more immature than the rest of my comrades. Yeah. And going out to places like the Court, I did feel a lot more immature. I felt like I hadn't experienced as much as everybody else around me. So I always felt behind.

Archie (Host) | 00:31:28 to 00:31:41
And I did have friends who were like five, six years younger than me that I felt I was learning from them. Yeah. Could they been out a long time? And so I just felt my whole reality was a bit warped, if that makes sense. Yeah, it definitely does.

Archie (Host) | 00:31:41 to 00:32:03
Yeah. It's. It's that whole thing of, like, trying to figure out who you are while having to go on the journey of actually doing it alone. Yeah. I think that's one of the things actually looking back on, like, understanding of what queer was, is that, I mean, growing up in the 90s, there was nothing, I mean, apart from tattoo, that was about as queer as life.

Archie (Host) | 00:32:03 to 00:32:22
Got the fake tattoo. The fake tattoo. I mean, but, like, it's not like we had the books that are out today that are like, this is everyone's family. Some people have two dads, some people have two mums, Some people have, like, different gendered or orientation parents. It didn't have those kind of books on, like, families mean anything.

Katie (Host) | 00:32:22 to 00:32:45
Family can look very different for a lot of different people. Yeah. And even just thinking back to, like, growing up in primary school, I don't know, actively know of anybody who had queer parents. Even if they could have had queer parents, it was obviously not publicised that. And I think that in itself is a bit of a detriment to our society.

Katie (Host) | 00:32:45 to 00:33:09
If you're not representing what society is, then how do you expect your society to grow and understand what its needs are? And that's why we have to stick around. Yeah, true. So that people know that, you know, this is our society, this is how we live and it's normal and it's okay. It's interesting because we have a lot of babies in our life now because we've got a lot of friends who have got bubs, which is so beautiful.

Katie (Host) | 00:33:09 to 00:33:17
Being an auntie and an uncle and all that kind of stuff still doesn't. Make me want to have kids. No. There's no, like, let's be carefully. Queer babies coming, guys.

Katie (Host) | 00:33:17 to 00:33:42
Don't, don't make it. It's not happening. But it's one of those things that having those discussions about what we are, I mean, first of all, like, the fact that we're covered in tattoos and is very entertaining because, like, kids love tattoos and it's so cool. But then it's also like, oh, this is what gender means and this is what sexuality means and all that kind of stuff. It's an interesting space to grow in as a.

Katie (Host) | 00:33:42 to 00:33:52
Not a parent, but as an adjunct in a family. Yeah, yeah. Some of our queer icons who've been living in their own queer time, there's lots of different ones. Right. Who found themselves later in life.

Archie (Host) | 00:33:52 to 00:34:02
Who would you say? Or like queer celebrities. Two queer celebrities later in life. Oh, yeah. It's funny because the first person who jumped to mind was Cher's trans son, Chad.

Katie (Host) | 00:34:03 to 00:34:18
Even though they are not technically a celebrity, but they're the first people who jumped into my mind. I mean, that's. That's the first person that jumps into my mind. Yeah. Because the other people who I'm like, I associated with being queer, which is like Sir Ian McKellen.

Katie (Host) | 00:34:18 to 00:34:33
I've always feel like, even though I know that he's probably not been out as a queer man forever, I've always kind of known them being queer in a weird way. That makes sense. You could say the same thing about George Takei. George Takei. I could read your brain.

Archie (Host) | 00:34:33 to 00:34:42
How'd you know? So the two people that came up as an example in the articles were actually Elliot Page. Oh, yeah. And Kristen Stewart. Oh, yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:34:42 to 00:34:51
Sorry, sorry. I need to say excitement. I just can't get over Twilight guys. It's never going to be something I could get over. So both of them have been on their own journey.

Archie (Host) | 00:34:52 to 00:35:07
For example, Elliot Page coming out as a trans man. His coming out just shows us that everyone deserves to take their own time in finding themselves, even when they are under the microscope of celebrity and public life. Yeah. They still came out in their own time. They did, didn't they?

Katie (Host) | 00:35:07 to 00:35:13
I think they did a great job of that. Yeah. Have you? I tried to read their autobiography. I haven't, no.

Archie (Host) | 00:35:13 to 00:35:27
But they've really been a huge advocate for the transgender community. As soon as they were able to be that voice. Yeah. Before they were. But they've been that public voice leading the charge, which is beautiful to see.

Katie (Host) | 00:35:27 to 00:35:40
And I think it's been really beautiful seeing how the transition has been held up in Umbrella Academy. Yes. And how. How nuanced and how they've just done. It so well looking at Christian Stewart.

Archie (Host) | 00:35:40 to 00:35:57
And she is now living her best queer life after years of dodging questions and being coy about her sexuality. She didn't owe that to anybody. She was able to explore and allowed her own time to become her authentic self. And it doesn't happen on society's clock. It happened on her own time, in her own journey, in her own life lifetime.

Katie (Host) | 00:35:58 to 00:36:46
Yeah, it's been quite interesting looking at different celebrities and how they explore their queer journey. Like, if you look at Lindsay Lohan and how she was very quickly sexualized in her younger life after going from the parrot trap, then doing things like Herbie and Freaky Friday and all those kind of movies where she kind of grew up all of a sudden and people were sexualizing her and she was in such a spotlight. And it was then all of the same kind of derogatory comments of how Britney Spears went off the rails, as they were then putting that kind of lens onto Lindsay Lohan. And it was funny how in the chaos era of her life, she also had a queer relationship in which people are just like, she's gone off the rails. She's now in a lesbian relationship.

Katie (Host) | 00:36:46 to 00:37:15
But then it found out that that lesbian relationship was actually quite good for her because it doesn't matter. If you're in a relationship with somebody who's actually caring for you and you're caring for them, it's going to actually help you in life. So it's funny how, like, queerness and in the same way that Natalie Bathing Sweet, how she's now got a female partner. And it's funny how the lens of what that kind of looks like now is in the same way that Rebel Wilson as well. Rebel Wilson.

Katie (Host) | 00:37:15 to 00:37:25
And then there's another queer actress who has now got Nicole Richie. Not Nicole Richie. The one that used to be married to Chad Michael Murray. I don't know. Oh, God.

Katie (Host) | 00:37:25 to 00:37:57
She was in One Tree Hill. Anyway, there's all these women who have now left the idea of heteronormativity behind, and they're exploring their queer identity. And I wonder how that has been impeded by them being in the spotlight or them having to sit with heteronormative society because of how they would have been pinpointed in movies or TV shows or how it would affected the sexuality. Of them, but also it would have affected the roles they got. Absolutely.

Archie (Host) | 00:37:57 to 00:38:09
You know, whenever Ellen DeGeneres came out as a lesbian, she lost all her roles. Oh, yeah, totally. Obviously, it's better now, but you still get typecast into those kind of roles. Absolutely. It's so true, isn't it?

Katie (Host) | 00:38:09 to 00:38:25
So it's interesting looking at how the society is kind of grown in that way, that now it's almost like women are allowed to have relationships with other. Women, and it's not just for men. And it's not just for men. It's not just about porn. Let's keep going.

Archie (Host) | 00:38:25 to 00:38:39
So think about time, shows and movies. What do you think is a good show or movie that reflects queer time? And the idea of queer time has a blue box. Oh, yeah, okay, so like Doctor who. Yeah, yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:38:39 to 00:38:53
Okay, that's all you needed to say. But yeah, you're right, Doctor who is bloody brilliant. Yeah. So, and this is what I saw a few people in, I think it was Reddit and on a couple of articles say that what if queer time is kind of like Doctor who? Oh, such a good analogy.

Archie (Host) | 00:38:53 to 00:39:09
We've got our very own time machine that lets us flip the script and jump in and out of the world that tells us is normal. The Doctor isn't following anyone else's schedule. Gender fluid time, not linear. The Doctor says, I'm going to rewrite this story. Thank you very much.

Archie (Host) | 00:39:09 to 00:39:36
In the queer world, we're constantly tweaking our own timelines, embracing our own versions of what our stories should look like. So maybe queer time really means that we're our own little sci fi adventure. If that makes anyone out there listening feel a little bit better about this idea and concept, we are all stars of our own sci fi adventure movie. As we wrap up, Queer time isn't a disadvantage, but a gift. It's a way to live authentically, not dictated by societal norms.

Archie (Host) | 00:39:36 to 00:40:02
If you're an LGBTQ person, feeling behind stuck, too immature, or even too mature, like you're missing milestones, everyone around you seems to be hitting, let me tell you, not only is that okay, it's completely normal for us and you're not alone. Maybe you haven't had your first kiss yet and you're 40. Maybe you just started living as your true self yesterday. I want you to know you're not alone in the feeling that way. Our community lives in its own bubble of time and always has.

Archie (Host) | 00:40:02 to 00:40:15
So whether you're starting your career journey at 18, 35 or 70, remember, this is what you make it. And there is no right time. Can I say something really nerdy? Course you can. Just remember, you're your own TARDIS.

Archie (Host) | 00:40:18 to 00:40:36
That'S staying. That's staying in there. If you don't get the reference, I'm sorry. If you have been listening to this and you want to share your own story or experience with queertime, please send us a voice note or message via direct message on Instagram or email. Even send us a text through the link on the show notes there.

Katie (Host) | 00:40:36 to 00:40:52
But yeah, and we've actually got our own patreon now. If you like enjoy anything, please subscribe. Feel free to share this with your friends. It is if you've got a friend who's on a queer journey who might just need a little bit of support, feel free to send them this episode. And yeah, thanks for listening.

Katie (Host) | 00:40:52 to 00:41:10
All the way to the end, we've been let's be perfectly queer. And if you did enjoy it, don't forget if you could or if you wouldn't mind giving us a quick rate or review on Apple Podcasts that helps us get out in the algorithm and to reach more individuals like yourself. Or even Spotify. Spotify as well. On every rating platform.

Archie (Host) | 00:41:10 to 00:41:23
On every rating platform. Give us a thank you so much. Hope you've really enjoyed this episode. This was a fun one to do a lot of research on. I do recommend going and checking out that YouTube link that I'll put into the episode notes because it is really good.

Archie (Host) | 00:41:23 to 00:41:31
You only have to watch the first seven minutes and you know, it's very good. Can I tell you something that just popped into my brain? What? We're like your queer Uber drivers. Give us five stars.

Katie (Host) | 00:41:32 to 00:41:39
All right, we need to end this now. I'm going to keep that in. We'll end on that note. And until next time, I hope that we have been perfectly queer.