Queer & A: LGBT News and Reddit Stories

On this week's episode of Let's Be Perfectly Queer, we discuss new Legislation in Idaho targeting harmful materials that has made it riskier for librarians to lend books with LGBTQ+ themes to children. We discuss the potential penalties and the impact this has on limiting access to knowledge and understanding. It's truly heartbreaking.

But it's not all bad news! We also highlight a positive development - Thailand has become the first Southeast Asian country to legalize same-sex marriage! 🌈 Congratulations, Thailand! 

In addition to these impactful conversations, we also provide a recommendation from our recent watchlist: "The Boyfriend," a Japanese reality show featuring Queer individuals living together. It offers a refreshing take on reality TV, showcasing authentic experiences and connections.

But it doesn't stop there! We dive into personal stories from the Reddit community, discussing topics like coming out and explaining Queer identities to children. We share our own experiences and perspectives, offering a lively and heartfelt discussion that you won't want to miss.

So grab your earbuds, get comfy, and join us for the latest episode of Let's Be Perfectly Queer. It's packed with informative discussions, uplifting news, and of course, a whole lot of queer awesomeness. Trust us, you won't want to hit pause on this one!




Topics discussed: 

- New legislation in Idaho targeting LGBTQ+ books in libraries

- The negative impact of hiding LGBTQ+ materials on access and understanding

- The legalisation of same-sex marriage in Thailand

- Recommendation of the Japanese reality show "The Boyfriend"

- Recommendation of the show "We Are Lady Parts"

- Personal experiences of coming out and differing opinions on the best approach

- Explaining queer identities to children and navigating family reactions

- Complexities of family dynamics and acceptance

Entities mentioned: 

- Idaho

- Thailand

- Boys Like Me (Japanese reality show)

- We Are Lady Parts (TV show)

Transcript

Podcast: Let's Be Perfectly Queer

Episode Title: Queer + A

Host(s): Archie, Katie

Guest(s): 

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Archie (Host) | 00:00:00 to 00:00:09
Welcome to let's be perfectly queer, a. Queer podcast, creating space to talk about all things queer. My name is Archie. And I'm Katie. And we are your hosts.

Katie (Host) | 00:00:09 to 00:00:25
And today we have another queer, Renee. Yep. Because Katie's not good at getting any episodes up at the moment because she's got a full time job. Yeah, that's basically work life balance, guys. Trying to remember how to work life balance.

Katie (Host) | 00:00:25 to 00:00:48
Good thing. But anyway, I have some stories and probably some questions along the way that I want to chat about, and that will kind of elicit a further conversation without having to remember stuff about stuff. Anyway, I have gone in a thread of gay storylines on Reddit. Before we get in that, though, I've got some news. Oh, do you?

Archie (Host) | 00:00:48 to 00:01:15
The only reason I've got this piece of news is because I shared it to our story. Cool. So, basically, as of the 1 July, it has become more dangerous for a librarian in the state of Idaho to cheque out a book to a child if it has lgbtq themes. What do you mean by that? So, basically, there's new legislation that targets harmful materials, and it's in public and school libraries under harmful materials would include any discussion of homosexuality.

Katie (Host) | 00:01:15 to 00:01:33
So what you're trying to tell me is that librarians could potentially have penalties against themselves or maybe go to jail. There's a risk of a $250 fine and threats of lawsuits just because of. A book that they haven't even written. Yes. That they're not the governing body about.

Archie (Host) | 00:01:34 to 00:01:49
Correct. So that's just something that was put in as of the 1 July. So just some quick news, and I just wanted to point that out because I shared it. And, yeah, it's just for sharing any books that are considered harmful. And apparently homosexuality comes under harmful books.

Katie (Host) | 00:01:49 to 00:02:01
How do you feel about that, being a teacher? It's ridiculous. Right? I was growing up, and, you know, there's so many books that you read and you just disagreed with. You know, you were told to read them in English and that kind of stuff, and you just talked about it.

Archie (Host) | 00:02:01 to 00:02:16
You disagreed, you moved on. Right. So not allowing kids to have access to materials like this, you're diminishing their ability to. To grow and evolve. And it's not just about the kids who are LGBT.

Archie (Host) | 00:02:16 to 00:02:46
So, of course, you know, it's going to affect them because they're not going to have access to more materials or information or knowledge about being LGBTQIA. But it also is going to further promote hate and further promote homophobia because those kids who may not be LGBT but they see these books, it normalises it. Right. But if you hide them and you say no, you're not allowed to have these in the libraries and that. And that kind of thing, it's going to make being LGBTQIA taboo, which is.

Katie (Host) | 00:02:46 to 00:03:04
What they're doing anyway. Yeah. Is they're saying, in essence, by saying that you can't have a book in a library that's about people, part of the queer community or the queer community in general, you're saying that the queer community is explicit information. Yeah. Which is not.

Archie (Host) | 00:03:04 to 00:03:18
There's other things that they've considered in there as well, but it's just. What kind of other things have they classed us with? So it says the term has also been weaponised against any depiction of human sexuality, including masturbation. So anything to do with sex. Right.

Katie (Host) | 00:03:18 to 00:03:36
So they're hyper, from what I'm gathering, is they're hyper sexualizing the queer community and they're putting it in all the same thing together. And it's something that I thought we got over years ago, but apparently it's back and. Yeah. So that was some of the new news. That is disappointing, man.

Archie (Host) | 00:03:36 to 00:03:50
Most of the disappointing news does come from the states, which is sad and. But, yeah, poor librarians. Right. Of all the things. Who'd have thunk they were now targeting librarians for doing their job?

Katie (Host) | 00:03:50 to 00:04:07
One would say that maybe librarians are the least. I don't want to say entertaining. Cause I have had some librarians in my life that I really loved, but, like, the least spiteful, the least worrying, the least dramatic, the least problematic. They're usually the loveliest people. Yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:04:07 to 00:04:11
And they're targeting librarians. Jeez. The way is nobody's safe, guys. Yeah. And so it means.

Archie (Host) | 00:04:11 to 00:04:27
It's also meant a lot of libraries in Idaho have had to close for several weeks to go through all their books, which. How are they governing this? I'm not 100% sure it's such a. Good question, because is it just about the title? Is it about the whole topic in the topics?

Katie (Host) | 00:04:28 to 00:04:38
If any book has a queer relationship in it. Gosh. And because of this, more than half of the librarians in the state are considering leaving their jobs. I can understand. I don't blame them.

Archie (Host) | 00:04:38 to 00:04:52
Like, if that was to happen as a teacher, and like I said, I'd be out the door the next day. Yeah, completely. It's horrible. And really, it's putting the onus on something that it doesn't like. That's not solving anybody's problem by banning these books.

Archie (Host) | 00:04:52 to 00:04:58
Not at all. It's not going to stop people from being queer. No. And, you know, there's the Internet. Yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:04:58 to 00:05:09
Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. So people are still going to get access to these books anyway. So really people who are banning these books, who sound like they're illiterate, who can't read anyway, who knows, are now banning more books.

Archie (Host) | 00:05:09 to 00:05:13
Yeah. Wow. Which they should be reading. Yeah. Positive news.

Archie (Host) | 00:05:13 to 00:05:22
Thailand has become the first southeast asian country to legalise same sex marriage. Well done, Thailand. That's amazing. And I would never have guessed that. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:05:22 to 00:05:34
So that's really awesome. So first southeast asian country. Well done, Thailand. Yeah, so true. I've got a recommendation also for this week because we have been watching boys like me.

Katie (Host) | 00:05:34 to 00:05:42
Huh? The japanese drama, the boyfriend. Oh, the boyfriend. Why'd you get boys like me the boyfriend? It's a japanese tv show.

Archie (Host) | 00:05:42 to 00:05:47
Reality show. A japanese reality show? Yep. I thought you were going to say more things. Sorry, I thought you were going to continue.

Archie (Host) | 00:05:47 to 00:06:07
So basically, on this reality show, it's a bunch of japanese men who are queer and they get put into a house. And that's kind of the reality aspect of it. It's not as scripted and it's not as forced as other reality shows, which is really, really nice. There are little bits where obviously the, the producers and stuff get involved. Majority of it.

Archie (Host) | 00:06:07 to 00:06:27
We just get to have a glimpse of what happens when all these guys who are looking for love or looking for a partnership go on a show and they have to also run a coffee truck. So they have to choose which two every day goes on a shift. And then, you know, they get the opportunity for dates and sleepovers and that kind of stuff. And we are into episode six. Cause they're only releasing three a week.

Archie (Host) | 00:06:27 to 00:07:02
But it's a really beautiful show and it's not overly forced, like some of the other reality shows that you do see, that trust, forced drama and tension and it's just really beautiful. Yeah, I find it really refreshing that it's not hyper sexualized, that it just shows the normal relationships of people without it being all about sex and body making out. Sex and making out and who's in relationships. Like, you can definitely see there's this beautiful innocence behind it that's like, oh yeah, I've got a crush on you, sack. Or it's really cute.

Katie (Host) | 00:07:02 to 00:07:19
And they have these people that are just very open and honest about their feelings, but it kind of makes me feel like I'm back in high school with all the crushes. It is very innocent. Oh, it's so sweet. And it's just like hand holding means. So much like a simple brush of the hand and that kind of stuff, which is really lovely.

Katie (Host) | 00:07:20 to 00:07:35
It's gorgeous. Yeah. And like you said, it's kind of nice also not having the westernisation of the constant manipulation of people through reality tv shows, which sometimes can seem quite torturous. Yeah. And with this, you.

Katie (Host) | 00:07:35 to 00:07:49
They kind of just leave the guys to their own devices and. Yeah, they do introduce more guys in and that does, in essence, innately lead to. It changes the dynamic. It's changing the dynamic. But it's not like they're like, oh, and this is going to cause drama.

Katie (Host) | 00:07:49 to 00:08:17
And here's another bombshell. And now your ex is there and, like, your girlfriend before you realised you were gay and all this kind of stuff, and now you have to come out to your friends. Like, it's not all of that kind of drama. It's actually really nice and how sweet and how beautifully it is portrayed when it. I feel like whenever we get those kind of reality shows in more western society, that it is incredibly sexualized and it's just not something that we.

Katie (Host) | 00:08:17 to 00:08:27
Nothing against sexuality. I think everyone's sexuality is beautiful. Some people love that and some people. Don'T, but it's the hyper sexualization that I think the issue is with. Yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:08:27 to 00:08:36
Yeah. So I've got to say that's definitely a recommendation, something really cute to just put on the background. And it's really heartwarming, which is really cool. Yeah. And lady parts.

Katie (Host) | 00:08:36 to 00:08:50
And lady parts love lady parts. So lady parts is we are lady parts. I feel like it could have just been called lady parts, but if you. Look up lady parts on Google, what's going to happen? All right, so there's a tv show called we are lady parts.

Archie (Host) | 00:08:50 to 00:08:53
Yes. I think it's on Netflix. I kind of explain. It's on nether. Fabulous.

Katie (Host) | 00:08:53 to 00:09:43
Thank you very much. And it's about a muslim girl band who basically, it's very cute. It's like a combination of between a very cute rom.com to very feminist kind of drama ish, and it's following this beautiful girl band and it talks about feminism, it talks about the struggles of being Muslim in the community and how that's represented and how getting into mainstream is such an important thing to see and normalise growing up in that kind of community. And it does show the struggles of. There are some characters who are queer and the struggle of presenting and being muslim and being quite spiritual and religious while being part of the queer community and coming out to your family and.

Archie (Host) | 00:09:43 to 00:09:49
Punk rock band, which is very taboo. Oh, absolutely. It is so cool. We binged it. Oh, we binged it like crazy.

Katie (Host) | 00:09:50 to 00:10:00
Hardcore binged it. It was amazing. I loved it. I was really sad when there wasn't another episode that, like, another season that came out. It's UK based as well, and I fucking love UK based stuff.

Archie (Host) | 00:10:00 to 00:10:39
Yeah, it was just very good, and it was easy to watch, and it was so beautiful, and it was just a. It's a really good queer positive, feminist show. Totally on my two watch list at the moment is the Will Farrell documentary, documentary about his best friend, who happens to be trans, and finding out that I'm really looking forward to watching that just because I know how he hasn't been the pinnacle of being open to the queer community and his representation hasn't necessarily been queer friendly, so it would be. It seems that it's in an incredibly positive light. So I'm really looking forward to seeing that.

Katie (Host) | 00:10:39 to 00:10:52
And especially for somebody who I would class as a boomer, I think it's gonna be cool seeing that. And hopefully. Hopefully they do it justice. That's the only thing I've got concerns about. And you never know, and that's the thing.

Archie (Host) | 00:10:52 to 00:11:09
So hopefully they're gonna do it justice. I think it is produced and directed by Will Ferrell, so it should be. And I think that's coming out on one of the streaming platforms very soon. And then we've also got to watch 1946, the documentary as well, when homosexuality was added to the Bible. Oh, yeah, we've got to watch that.

Archie (Host) | 00:11:09 to 00:11:21
As well, and that we've been talking about for years. But it's finally out and it's free on YouTube and other streaming places to watch. Nice. Do you have any other recommendations or to watch things? I think that's the bigger ones.

Archie (Host) | 00:11:21 to 00:11:34
Yeah, that's pretty much it. Yeah. I don't think there's anything. Oh, actually on heartbreak high, what I really loved. So if you haven't watched it, heartbreak high is based on the old heartbreak high that was in, like, the nineties or such, and the new one is really cool.

Katie (Host) | 00:11:34 to 00:11:52
I really like the representation in it. I like how it's not the pinnacle of everything. It just so happens to be like, yeah, this is what life is. And some people are queer, and some people don't really know how to define themselves. And you just get in relationships, and that's what life is actually really about.

Katie (Host) | 00:11:52 to 00:12:05
I feel like a lot of the time that there's this onus of being like, what are you? Or what are you doing? And sometimes it doesn't have to be that complicated. And I think it's also a great representation for high school students. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:12:05 to 00:12:29
In Australia, especially. And what it's like to go through these different things and have these feelings and have these emotions and have these questions. I think it's really well done in that aspect. Also, if you're listening and you might keep hearing some planes go across, because unfortunately, the plane paths have changed recently and now they fly in this direction again. So we might have to look into some more soundproofing of this room just to get on top of it or move.

Katie (Host) | 00:12:29 to 00:12:44
It's the only alternative. Definitely the only alternative. Actually. Really good segue into one of the Reddit stories that I'm going to read. It's got some questions that I want to ask you about and kind of, like, discuss what your experiences were when you were a kid.

Archie (Host) | 00:12:44 to 00:13:04
Yep. So without further Ado, this comes from gay storylines, and the title is, I'm dating my best friend. So when I was in second grade, I made friends with a guy I'll call Ryan. So me and Ryan always hung out together. Every time with me together, I was like, God, the grammar on this is not very good.

Archie (Host) | 00:13:04 to 00:13:10
That's all right. Gotta love Reddit, though. Together every day. But then one day in 7th grade, he started acting weird. I.

Katie (Host) | 00:13:11 to 00:13:16
So we did. Oh, God. Do you need me to read it? You know, when you skim read something, you're just like, yeah, that sounds really good. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:13:16 to 00:13:21
Do you need me to read it? Yeah, maybe. Cause you're used to reading kids shit. Mm hmm. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:13:21 to 00:13:35
All right, let's start this again. The title is I'm dating my best friend, and it comes under the Reddit category gay storylines. So when I was in second grade, I made friends with a guy. I'll call him Ryan. Me and Ryan always hanged out with me every day.

Archie (Host) | 00:13:35 to 00:13:54
But then one day in 7th grade, he started acting weird. I so did my other friends that knew him, but I just ignored it because I thought he had a crush on a girl I know, or something like that. But then one day in 8th grade, he started daring my cousin. I'll call her Hayley. Instantly, him and my friend stopped acting weird, so I thought that's what it was, but it only lasted four days.

Archie (Host) | 00:13:54 to 00:14:10
And then one day, one of my friends said he had crush on me, and I didn't believe it. So the next day, Ryan and one other friend came over for a game night. We've been waiting for that the whole week. When my other friend went to sleep, me and Ryan played two truths, one lie. He said one, I play basketball, which he does.

Archie (Host) | 00:14:10 to 00:14:20
Two, I have a crush on you. Three, don't like pizza. And I was like, wait, we didn't eat pizza. And then he told me he had a crush on me. And I told him, okay, let me just have a moment.

Archie (Host) | 00:14:20 to 00:14:33
And I accidentally fall asleep. We wake up, forgot about what he said until my friend left. Then he kissed me, and I said, dude, wTf? And he backed off and went home. Later that night, I thought about it, and I did kind of have a crush on him too.

Archie (Host) | 00:14:33 to 00:14:47
So we started secretly dating. One of my friends knew we were dating or that Ryan had a crush on me, so we started secretly dating. Until a guy who is known for bullying goes up to me and whispers, I know you're dating Ryan. And I go quiet and went to the bathroom. I came back.

Archie (Host) | 00:14:47 to 00:15:03
Everyone is staring at me and Ryan, and I see Ryan in the back of the room crying in a corner. So apparently my friend told the bully, and they told everyone. So the bell rings. We all go to class, and everyone is whispering. The teacher starts the class, and this kid screams, Ryan and my name are dating.

Archie (Host) | 00:15:03 to 00:15:23
Needless to say, I didn't have to go to school for two days, and the principal gave a two hour lecture to everyone about how being gay is okay. LGBTQ two is okay. I don't know why there's a two in there. I returned to school two days after, so I lost half of my friends because of that. And everyone knew about me and Ryan being gay for each other, and we are still dating to this day.

Archie (Host) | 00:15:23 to 00:15:42
It's been one year since then. He has blocked everyone it's been one year since he has blocked everyone that doesn't support him, me to the end. And I just want to point out there was not one single full stop in that whole thing. But being a teacher, you can kind of get what it's like. Not one single full stop.

Katie (Host) | 00:15:42 to 00:15:54
I feel like I want to be like, guess why I chose that story. Why did you? I have no idea. Why would you choose that story? If I was looking on Reddit personally and I got through the first few sentences, I went, nope, put something.

Archie (Host) | 00:15:54 to 00:16:15
I'm not gonna decipher this myself. The reason I chose it is it kinda struck a memory with me of when you came out in primary school or high school. A, what was the reaction by your peers, and b, what was their reaction from your teachers? I didn't come out in high school. Remember, I lived in a country school.

Archie (Host) | 00:16:15 to 00:16:24
There's no coming out. Ah, hell no. That's so interesting. Growing up in a country school, everybody is. They're small minded, all right, without being.

Archie (Host) | 00:16:24 to 00:16:39
I don't want to be too derogatory or anything, but you have this small bubble of society, right. And what happens in that town is what happens. And especially when I was growing up, you know, we only just got the Internet and that kind of thing. So you didn't see the world that we see now. We didn't see queer representation.

Archie (Host) | 00:16:39 to 00:16:52
Homophobia in the town was strife, so there was no way I was coming out in high school. Did you know anybody who was queer in your school? No, not a single one. Wow. Looking back, I could tell.

Archie (Host) | 00:16:52 to 00:17:01
Yes. And I had inklings, but I mean. There'S definitely a hell of a lot of closeted people there. But just for statistics wise, not one. Kid came out in high school, not while I was there.

Katie (Host) | 00:17:01 to 00:17:15
Wow. That's not a good topic. It wasn't a great town to come out and. Yeah, well, it makes sense if, like, there's no queer people there, if there's no presenting queer people there. Well, there was an older presenting queer couple, and everybody talked about them behind their backs, and I hated it.

Katie (Host) | 00:17:15 to 00:17:24
Yeah. What did they say? Oh, they just made comments or sniggers and stuff like that. And I thought it was disgusting, especially because they were my friends. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:17:24 to 00:17:39
So I didn't like it at all. Well, because, you know, in a small country town, you know, I was younger, but you do make friends with old people who are like twice your age. It's just what you're looking at it now is pretty messed up. But in a small country town, that's very normal, you know, being 17 and having friends who are 35, 40. Yeah.

Katie (Host) | 00:17:39 to 00:17:47
Fair. Yeah. When did you first come out and have to attend an institution? Like, you were out in uni. Yes, correct.

Katie (Host) | 00:17:47 to 00:17:53
Before uni. No, no. So you were out in uni. Yeah. How did you find your.

Katie (Host) | 00:17:53 to 00:18:08
Your cohort or the people surrounding you acted towards you being queer any different? They really didn't care. It was because I think once you're at university level, everybody's kind of experienced a bit of life. Yeah. Nobody cared.

Katie (Host) | 00:18:08 to 00:18:17
Yeah. And so many people in university experiment, so nobody cared. It was very. Just cool. That's fair.

Archie (Host) | 00:18:17 to 00:18:51
Yeah. I had a very different experience when I ended up coming out in high school and both, like, on all facets from my friends, from my family, from the teachers themselves, I wish there was that the teachers acted in the way that this teacher did and have an appropriate conversation about. There's nothing wrong with being gay. And actually educated people because I think that that's a really good way of taking it. So when I came out, I did have a lot of friends who were queer at the same time.

Katie (Host) | 00:18:51 to 00:19:16
So from my friends it was easy, but from the cohort of the rest of the year group, it was very different. And of course it had a negative stigma with it. It was just like, oh, such a bunch of lesbians. I'm like, well, like, first of all, why is that derogatory? But if you say anything is such a bunch of whatever, it makes it sound derogatory because you're putting negative connotations on it.

Katie (Host) | 00:19:16 to 00:19:30
The other thing is, is that when. So I remember we had one of our productions that was happening. Granted, I'm not a drama kidde. My parents didn't let me do drama and now I'm just extra flamboyant. So, ha ha.

Katie (Host) | 00:19:30 to 00:20:00
But I remember we had one of our productions and because there was two of my friends were dating and they happened to be a same sex couple, that they were forbade to work together and it was forbidden that any of the kids were unsupervised and they could not work together or anybody queer work together at the drama. Like in the drama that is private school for you. But that was the basis of it. It was the. We were alienated.

Katie (Host) | 00:20:00 to 00:20:25
We were seen to be doing something hyper sexualized or wrong. And I'm like, the way that our school was positioned and it happened to be an all girls school, so it was positioned right next to an all boys school. So it's like there was people having sex when I was in year eight. And yet you frown upon year twelve girls who happen to be in a relationship. And it was from then on.

Katie (Host) | 00:20:25 to 00:21:04
It was just really sad how we would always get pointed out and stereotyped to be naughty when we were having the same, if not a lot more naive and what's the word? Like innocent relationships than the heterosexual relationships that were happening at the time because they were less sexualized, because that wasn't what it was about. And I just think that. That it gives me hope in like, you reading this kind of storyline is that things have changed. And it does sound like it has these days and potentially not so much in highly religious schools.

Katie (Host) | 00:21:05 to 00:21:50
But one would hope that the reaction, and the appropriate reaction to this is that you educate and you don't put it on the onus of the person who is queer to be doing the education. Because from a standpoint where you have, like you are an educational institution, it is the responsibility of the people working there to actually correct the actions and the, I guess, the actions and the culture that is getting developed, because, like, that's the point of it. And that's why, I guess, in some ways, bringing it back to the librarian situation is it's so important, isn't it? Here's an interesting one. So this comes from the am I the a hole Reddit.

Katie (Host) | 00:21:50 to 00:22:01
So it's called am I the asshole. For telling my son that he is obviously gay. Okay. Just from the title, what do we think? It is such a loaded question.

Archie (Host) | 00:22:01 to 00:22:06
Right? I feel like. Do you know what? I'm gonna take a hot. A hot take?

Archie (Host) | 00:22:06 to 00:22:12
Yep. I reckon. Yes. Okay. Let's find out.

Archie (Host) | 00:22:12 to 00:22:16
Let's wait. What's your take? Well, I've already read it, so. Okay. Sure.

Archie (Host) | 00:22:16 to 00:22:39
Yeah. My son, 17, male, has apparently been in the closet for the past seven months. So my son is fairly masculine, straight acting, if that makes sense. However, he's very obviously had a boyfriend, 18, male for the past seven months. He sometimes baby talks to this boy, hugs him all the time, has called him handsome, shares clothes, sits way too close to each other to the point where theyre basically cuddling.

Archie (Host) | 00:22:39 to 00:23:02
He closes his bedroom door when with him, but not any other friends. Sees him like, every day, buys him gifts. And for the past seven months, he now always smells great, has his hair fixed really nice and dresses nicer, among other things. Today I asked my son if I was going to invite his boyfriend on our trip, and he got awkward and said, that's not funny. I asked what he meant, and he said, I'm straight.

Archie (Host) | 00:23:02 to 00:23:17
That's not funny. I laughed, and when I realised he was serious, I started laughing even harder. I told him he was very obviously in a relationship with a guy and did a terrible job at hiding it. He got emotional and started asking me not to tell his dad. My husband already knows.

Archie (Host) | 00:23:17 to 00:23:27
Like I said, it was obvious. Then he got upset, saying I outed him when he wasn't ready. He hasn't said a word to me in a couple of days. Am I the asshole? So what do you reckon?

Katie (Host) | 00:23:27 to 00:23:43
I think there are a lot of different parts to this. I'm assuming this is a woman saying is she's talking about her husband, and they are also. It sounds like they're in a heterosexual relationship. Mm hmm. I I don't think she's the asshole because I kind of like the way that she was.

Katie (Host) | 00:23:43 to 00:24:20
Just like, it's evident not even in his mannerisms himself, but in the way that he's acting towards this person. And she's just like, yeah, your boyfriend, like, evidently. Yep. It sounds like her son has internalised homophobia, and it sounds like he's concerned about what his dad is gonna say, in which that I don't think she's the asshole for what she's done and said, but I think that there probably needed to be some reassurance to be like, oh, by the way, it's okay, like, we love you no matter what. I wouldn't necessarily call an a hole, but she didn't go about it the right way.

Archie (Host) | 00:24:20 to 00:24:46
She should have allowed her 17 year old son to come out to her. She took away that power from him, okay. Because maybe he was still testing the waters and he's still trying to work out his sexuality by her going, your boyfriend, and then being so persistent, letting him say no and be like, okay, maybe we can have a chat about this another time. But by her just laughing. And I think that was kind of a.

Katie (Host) | 00:24:46 to 00:25:03
It's funny. Cause I think you and I are gonna have different perspectives on this. Yes. Because I think I would have preferred to have that when I was coming out, just cause the kind of personality that I am, I would have preferred someone to be like, oh, yeah, your girlfriend of coloss. And I would have been like, oh, finally, thank you very much.

Archie (Host) | 00:25:03 to 00:25:18
But also she was kind of saying as a joke, like, kind of like, you know, like, kept laughing about it. But it doesn't sound malicious. Laughter. No, it was just like, from what I would have said. But this is coming again from, like, australian larrikinism and that kind of stuff.

Katie (Host) | 00:25:18 to 00:25:37
I would have been like, yeah, of course, your boyfriend. Like, what are you talking about? Don't be ridiculous. But I guess I come from it from a different point of view, because one of my family members, when I was in my mid twenties, hacked my Facebook and said that I was trans. And so they took away my power of coming out before I was ready.

Archie (Host) | 00:25:37 to 00:25:57
So, in essence, for me, I see this as very similar. Yeah, you took away the power from your kid. It should have been more of a conversation like, hey, I just want to let you know, if you are gay, we're really cool about it. Like, I've noticed these things. I think it was just the way she went about it, because I know that when someone did that to me, my power was taken away.

Archie (Host) | 00:25:57 to 00:26:08
I felt like I lost the ability to come out on my terms in my time. Yeah, if that makes sense. That does make sense. Yeah, absolutely. I think we all bring our own traumas to things, isn't it?

Archie (Host) | 00:26:08 to 00:26:22
She was actually deemed the asshole, correct. Yeah. Yeah. The top comment is, you're the asshole. When I was 17 and watching tv with my parents out of the blue, my dad turned to me and said, you know, it'd be okay if you were gay, right?

Archie (Host) | 00:26:23 to 00:26:39
I laughed it off, said, okay, and went about my day. Within six months, I was questioning. It took several more years before I was comfortable calling myself bi and coming out to friends and family. I think I must have given off vibes to my parents for dad to come straight out and say it like that. But at no point in time did he assume make comments alluding to nothing.

Archie (Host) | 00:26:39 to 00:27:04
I was given time and space to reach that conclusion on my own. You took that away from your son instead of saying something to the effect of, if you are cool, if not cool, we love you regardless. You forced him to confront that identity before he was ready. You need to stomp this shit out before it spirals. Let your son know what I said above, that however he chooses to identify is okay with you and that you love him regardless and will take any future cues on how to proceed from him.

Katie (Host) | 00:27:04 to 00:27:16
I think that was really well thought through. So would you agree? I know I'd agree with that comment. I think that's fine. I think it's a little bit of like, everybody sucks but nobody sucks kind of deal.

Katie (Host) | 00:27:17 to 00:27:28
I don't think anyone's the actual evident asshole. Yeah. Yeah. So the title is, am I the asshole for explaining gay people to a five year old? So what's your thoughts on the title?

Katie (Host) | 00:27:28 to 00:27:33
No. Have we talked about this before? I don't know. Have we? I don't know.

Archie (Host) | 00:27:34 to 00:27:51
Let's have a look. I think it's something that's been in my head for a while because we've got so many people who are having kids around us, and it's inevitable that we are gonna have to explain a little bit about ourselves at some point in time. Ah, at some point. I don't think that's something till high school. Really?

Archie (Host) | 00:27:52 to 00:27:59
Yeah. If they ask or they have questions. I just don't think it's. It's not our place. No, I don't think it's our place.

Katie (Host) | 00:27:59 to 00:28:07
Cause we're not the parents. Exactly. I don't know. I don't think it's our place. I don't think it's our place because we're not the parents.

Archie (Host) | 00:28:07 to 00:28:28
I guess it depends on the situation of where and who this person is and how they're related to the five year old. That's exactly right. I think it depends on the situation, but I think it also depends on the relationship you've got with a person like the parents. And I think it depends on what the parents are like when it comes to openness. Cause I know that I've had friends before who have.

Katie (Host) | 00:28:28 to 00:28:38
They've got cousins who are gay. They were like married queer women, fabulous. And they just explained it to their kids and they're like, oh, yeah, your aunties, of course. And they'll be like, oh, yeah, totes. Yeah.

Archie (Host) | 00:28:38 to 00:28:43
So I guess it all depends. Yeah, it all depends. Depending on the factor. Hit me. All right.

Archie (Host) | 00:28:43 to 00:29:00
I 24 male, have a sister, sdhe 28 female, who got recently married to a guy, g 33 male. And G has a daughter, D, who is five female. So obviously they just do names they. Could have just come up with, you know, different. Anyway, who our family treats like my sister's daughter.

Archie (Host) | 00:29:00 to 00:29:16
Some context. My sister was always supportive of my coming out and g is less supportive, I think. For example, my boyfriend wasn't invited for their marriage, and the excuse was that his mother is very religious. Before me, my sister and my boyfriend used to have dinner together. After the marriage.

Archie (Host) | 00:29:16 to 00:29:30
My sister never invited us together to her place. It's always in a restaurant and g doesn't go. My sister asked if I would take care of Dee for this weekend so she and her husband, g, could take a weekend off to celebrate three years together. I changed some plans and told them that I would do it. Dee is a nice little girl.

Archie (Host) | 00:29:30 to 00:29:46
She's very talkative and she's really sensitive. On Saturday, we went to the mall with my boyfriend. At the mall, there was a workshop, arts and crafts at the playground. And I left Dee there for 2 hours so I could have some time with my boyfriend. I asked my sister beforehand if that was okay, and she said that Dee loves the workshops.

Katie (Host) | 00:29:46 to 00:29:54
Okay, cool. When saying goodbye, I was a bit worried about you. And I looked at each other, we. Were just like, what the f leaving a kid? You're gonna babysit a kid and leave him alone for 2 hours?

Archie (Host) | 00:29:54 to 00:30:10
Anyway. When saying goodbye, my boyfriend gave me a little goodbye kiss. Nothing much, just a little kiss. I wasn't even sure if Dee saw it. Sunday morning, I was watching tv with her and she asked me if my boyfriend was my friend, and I said yes, but she asked why he kissed me and I had a little bit of a gay panic.

Archie (Host) | 00:30:10 to 00:30:27
I carefully explained to her that he was the same that my sister was to his father. She told me, but you're boys. And I said, there are boys who likes boys and there are girls who like girls, and that's okay. She didn't say anything after that. On Monday, I got an angry text from G saying that Dee was confused because of me.

Archie (Host) | 00:30:27 to 00:30:51
I called him and he was just shouting that I had no right to introduce my way of life to his daughter. I was shocked, and I called my sister, who said that I shouldn't have told Dee what gay people is. Tuesday in the afternoon, I got an email from G saying that he was taking Dee to a psychologist to see what damage I caused to his daughter and that I was supposed to pay for the session. He was even talking about a lawsuit against me. I was very shocked, and I called my dad, who is a lawyer, to ask him what I should do.

Archie (Host) | 00:30:52 to 00:31:14
My parents were very upset with the situation and they decided to come to our city. We, me and my sister live in the capital and my parents in a small city 3 hours from here. The situation escalated a little bit because g told my dad that he wasn't going to make the same mistakes that he did with me. And my dad was very angry about it. He said that G isn't welcomed in our family anymore and he doesn't want to ever see him again.

Archie (Host) | 00:31:14 to 00:31:34
My sister, who I thought was at my side, just flipped at me, saying that my mistake was going to destroy her marriage. My parents are on my side and my friends, too, but my sister is very angry at me, and even her best friend texted me saying I was stupid and childish to bring my father to the matter. So, Reddit, am I the asshole here? No, not even slightly. Wow.

Katie (Host) | 00:31:34 to 00:31:59
That's a real shame that his relationship has been destroyed with his sister because of G's homophobia and blatant homophobia. And it's such a shame that the sister isn't actually supporting her brother. It's a shame that the sister allowed someone else to come in between their relationship. Yeah, totally. If someone doesn't fit into your family and to your morals and your beliefs, it's never gonna work.

Archie (Host) | 00:31:59 to 00:32:21
There'll always be something that's gonna get in the way, and obviously this is gonna be a massive turning point for their relationship and what happens there. And really, that goes against all the values of caring, support, and loving and that he completely flipped out when he was just. The kid asked a question. Kids asked millions of questions. Exactly.

Katie (Host) | 00:32:21 to 00:32:38
Especially because she's what, five? Right. If they didn't want their kid knowing about it, they should have said, hey, I know you're gonna have your boyfriend around and stuff, or please, this weekend, don't have your boyfriend around, et cetera. So you're putting blame on someone who doesn't deserve it at all. Also the psychologist.

Archie (Host) | 00:32:38 to 00:32:54
Oh, that's ridiculous. Excuse me? From the afternoon you spent with my child. I now need to take her to the psychiatrist. Your child is gonna need more therapy from your parenting than they are from one weekend with the gay uncle.

Archie (Host) | 00:32:54 to 00:33:11
You know what I mean? God forbid that child grows up as anything apart from, like, bland, normal Reddit said. They are not the a hole. The reason that Archie's not saying asshole, by the way, if you're over questioning, is because he's a teacher and he doesn't feel comfortable with saying asshole. And that is not because that he doesn't say it in real life.

Katie (Host) | 00:33:11 to 00:33:26
Archie does say asshole in real life. It's that we are not going to be hearing it from a teacher. Yeah. You know, it's with social media and media and manipulation stuff. I do have to be a little bit careful about what I say on this podcast.

Katie (Host) | 00:33:26 to 00:33:40
Yeah, yeah. Except I won't, so I will be the voice of asshole. Yeah. So top comment there was not the asshole. Your sister's husband is homophobic, your sister knows he's homophobic and is happy to use you as a babysitter but not stand up for you.

Katie (Host) | 00:33:40 to 00:33:45
That's it. Yeah, yeah. Which is. It's very true in the comments. What's that?

Katie (Host) | 00:33:45 to 00:33:48
What other comments? Oh, you want some more comments? Yes, please. Yeah, of course. I'm ready to go back to it.

Katie (Host) | 00:33:48 to 00:34:06
When you started putting your phone away, I was just like, bebe. So, other comments? If that child is gay or trans, you may have saved their life in the future by showing them that their uncle and grandparents are willing to take a stand for love. You owe your user sister nothing, but we all owe it to children to create a world that doesn't harm them. Oh, that's so beautiful.

Katie (Host) | 00:34:06 to 00:34:15
And so right. How many upvotes did that comment get? The first one or the second one? The second one. The second one got 758.

Archie (Host) | 00:34:15 to 00:34:23
The first one got 2.3k. Nice, nice. I like that. That's been our Reddit. Am I the episode asshole?

Archie (Host) | 00:34:23 to 00:34:36
Yeah, well, we went down that path. I've said so. Every now and then we'll do a bit of some Reddit aitas and some questions, but there hasn't been as many questions recently, I think. Which is a good thing, though. Cause it does show that the world is it.

Archie (Host) | 00:34:36 to 00:34:46
We don't know. Trump might be coming back into the presidential elections, and then we'll see what. World happens after that. Ah, stay safe. Yes, yes, please.

Archie (Host) | 00:34:46 to 00:34:58
Everyone in the states with everything that's going on, please stay safe. We do have a few of you listeners over there. We do. We do notice where we have some listeners, so please, please stay safe there. I wish we had a bigger house and you could all just come and live with us in Australia.

Archie (Host) | 00:34:58 to 00:35:05
Yeah. Refugees come to our house. We can create the new. I suddenly feel like we're creating a cult. Yeah, I was gonna say.

Archie (Host) | 00:35:05 to 00:35:15
No, I was gonna say the new gay and lesbian kingdom. Finally in our house. Finally. Maybe not in our house. I feel like we needed a better scenery.

Katie (Host) | 00:35:15 to 00:35:30
We should get, honestly, if anybody wants to come into Wa, we've got some of the best beaches. So if we were going to start a gay and lesbian cult, we'd do it down south, which is like the south part of Western Australia. It's like margarima. There's gorgeous wineries. We could do it, guys.

Katie (Host) | 00:35:30 to 00:35:37
There's cideries. If you don't drink wine, there's also food. There's breweries down there as well. Breweries. Breweries is such a weird word.

Katie (Host) | 00:35:37 to 00:35:45
Breweries. I know whenever I say it's like breweries. Yeah, there's cocktail places, liquor places. I sound like I'm drunk already. It's not.

Katie (Host) | 00:35:45 to 00:36:01
It's only a Wednesday. We need to put the bins out. Anyway, thanks for listening, guys, to another episode of let's be perfectly queer. If you've enjoyed this episode, don't forget to rate, review and subscribe on all your favourite streaming, listening, podcast platforms. And.

Archie (Host) | 00:36:02 to 00:36:13
And if you have any ideas that you'd like us to talk about. Oh yeah, send us an email on let'sbeperfectlyqueerpodmail dot. It annoys me every time. I could have just put cast in there. I don't know why I just put pod.

Katie (Host) | 00:36:13 to 00:36:19
No, just pod. Just pod. We need to abbreviate. We're in Australia. Oh, I was like.

Archie (Host) | 00:36:19 to 00:36:35
Oh, I was like, podcast is too long. And then it's just extra four words and it kills me every time we say that. Good as me or send us a DM. Usually that's the best way to get in contact with us is send us a direct message on Instagram, also on Spotify for some reason. You can send us a text message.

Archie (Host) | 00:36:35 to 00:36:46
It doesn't actually go to our phones, but it goes to a buzzsprout inbox. So if you want to send us a message through there, you can do that too. Well, I hope you enjoyed this episode, and until next time, I hope that we have been perfectly queer.